So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
