he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
