Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
