It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
