Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Who died my cat blue again?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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