yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i believe in u and ur pee
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
