there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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