I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
not ubering you a puppy
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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