I think I died a long time ago.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
