Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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