i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
