you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
