i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
