You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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