Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I fill condoms, not promises.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
