I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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