she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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