im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
