They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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