worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
