i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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