I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
