in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
