there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
