I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My penis needs a shock collar
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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