Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
time to smoke my breakfast
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
