I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
