I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just fell off a train. Bad.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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