k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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