i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize