Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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