im having a threesome with these popsicles
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
