Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
