So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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