Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
