It's like God shit irony all over that family
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
