I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I want her autograph on my taint
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
