it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
