so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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