god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
