do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
