Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Come on in and take your pants off
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