Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
