Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
