So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
