why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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