Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
