i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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