i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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