Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
