okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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