I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
