I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
