I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize