Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
