Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
