Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
