The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
