I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
