For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
