Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
