How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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