I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
