my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
