i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
