I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
