Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
