He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i now understand why vodka
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
