he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
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