both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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