All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
