i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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