Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
